So here's what I'm learning:
We put our anxieties and fears on other people. It seems to usually be the people we care about and love, but for some reason we dump our "you shoulds" and "you so should nots" on them. And they do it right back to us. I'm not saying this is on purpose. Hell no, really the very opposite. Well, not on purpose on purpose, but maybe sometimes we do it kind of on purpose just to knock them down a peg and get ourselves up to their level? Maybe? Would anyone admit this? Ok, for the record...nope I don't have the courage to admit to it. Almost did it and chickened out.
I am starting to see this everywhere. I have so many good friends who do this to each other. They put their worries and fears on another friend or on me. And I know for a fact I do it to a lot of people. Almost always to people I care about so much, but once in a while I save it up for random people. That's the part I don't get. I can't quite get a grip on the pattern - why is it that I have certain "oh you should blah blah blah" for one person but not for another person? When people do it to me I'm starting to learn to recognize it. This doesn't mean I don't still take it personally, but I am getting better at taking it for what it really is: their problem. Not really my problem (got enough of my own, thank you very much). When I realize that, oh jeepers, that is so way easier.
Except for when it's quiet. And I have time to think. (perseverate?) Then I hear them whispering in my ear. All that Judgey Wudgey was a Bear comes rushing back in.
I'm not going to write them down here (the shoulds and should nots I hear in my head) . I think that part is private. I'm not even exactly sure why the hell I'm writing this much. I think I just wanted to share it with you. I've been writing this post in my head since I came home from work. Hopefully when I hit "publish post" it will leave my brain and I can go and eat my frozen yogurt in peace.
Ok, kids. Time to scoop up a bowl of chocolate frozen yogurt. And listen to a podcast or three.
YOU SHOULD check out Grammar Girl podcast. Free, short, and so word nerd fantastic. Treena, do this you will love it. YOU REALLY SHOULD.
We put our anxieties and fears on other people. It seems to usually be the people we care about and love, but for some reason we dump our "you shoulds" and "you so should nots" on them. And they do it right back to us. I'm not saying this is on purpose. Hell no, really the very opposite. Well, not on purpose on purpose, but maybe sometimes we do it kind of on purpose just to knock them down a peg and get ourselves up to their level? Maybe? Would anyone admit this? Ok, for the record...nope I don't have the courage to admit to it. Almost did it and chickened out.
I am starting to see this everywhere. I have so many good friends who do this to each other. They put their worries and fears on another friend or on me. And I know for a fact I do it to a lot of people. Almost always to people I care about so much, but once in a while I save it up for random people. That's the part I don't get. I can't quite get a grip on the pattern - why is it that I have certain "oh you should blah blah blah" for one person but not for another person? When people do it to me I'm starting to learn to recognize it. This doesn't mean I don't still take it personally, but I am getting better at taking it for what it really is: their problem. Not really my problem (got enough of my own, thank you very much). When I realize that, oh jeepers, that is so way easier.
Except for when it's quiet. And I have time to think. (perseverate?) Then I hear them whispering in my ear. All that Judgey Wudgey was a Bear comes rushing back in.
I'm not going to write them down here (the shoulds and should nots I hear in my head) . I think that part is private. I'm not even exactly sure why the hell I'm writing this much. I think I just wanted to share it with you. I've been writing this post in my head since I came home from work. Hopefully when I hit "publish post" it will leave my brain and I can go and eat my frozen yogurt in peace.
Ok, kids. Time to scoop up a bowl of chocolate frozen yogurt. And listen to a podcast or three.
YOU SHOULD check out Grammar Girl podcast. Free, short, and so word nerd fantastic. Treena, do this you will love it. YOU REALLY SHOULD.
I get where you are coming from 100%, Jenn, and I have actually had to end friendships because the "advice" from certain people became too much, and all I really wanted to say to them was "You have had your chance to make mistakes and learn from them, let me have mine."
ReplyDeleteWow sounds like we are kind of finding the same road to walk down. I have recently listened to some you tube stuff by a lady named Brene Brown that I found very interesting. Now all i have to do is figure out how to make the change.
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